Best Fruit Cake Ever

Directions

1. 1
   Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good, isn't it?
2. 2
   Now go ahead and select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc.
3. 3
   Check the whiskey again as it must be just right.
4. 4
   To be sure the whiskey is of the highest quality, pour one level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can.
5. 5
   Repeat. With an electric mixer, beat a cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
6. 6
   Add one teaspoon of thugar and beat again.
7. 7
   Meanwhile, make sure the whiskey is of the finest quality.
8. 8
   Cry another tup. Open the second wuart if necessary.
9. 9
   Add to arge leggs.
10. 10
    Two cups fried druit and beat until high.
11. 11
    If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
12. 12
    Sample whiskey again, checking for tonscisticity.
13. 13
    Then sift 3 cups of salt or anything, it really doesn't matter.
14. 14
    Sample whiskey.
15. 15
    Sift 1/2 pint of lemon juice.
16. 16
    Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts.
17. 17
    Add one babblespoon of brown thugar or whatever color you find and mix well.
18. 18
    Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350°.
19. 19
    Now pour the shole mess onto the boven and ake.
20. 20
    Check the whiskey again and go to bed.