Rice Pilaf

Directions

1. 1
   Measure 3 cups flour into a large bowl. Answer the telephone. Take large bowl off small son's head and sweep floor.
2. 2
   Measure 3 cups flour into large bowl.
3. 3
   Measure 1/4 cup shortening. Answer doorbell.
4. 4
   Wash shortening from small son's hands and face.
5. 5
   Add 1/4 cup shortening to flour.
6. 6
   Mix well. Rock crying baby for 10 minutes. Answer telephone. Put son in tub. Scrub well. Scrape flour and shortening mixture from kitchen floor.
7. 7
   Add enough tears to relieve tension.
8. 8
   Open 1 can of beans and serve with remaining strength.