Best Rum Cake Ever

Directions

1. 1
   Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality.
2. 2
   Good isn't it?
3. 3
   Now go ahead.
4. 4
   Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc.
5. 5
   Check the rum again.
6. 6
   It must be just right.
7. 7
   Be sure the rum is of the highest quality; pour 1 level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can.
8. 8
   Repeat... with an electric mixer, beat 1 cup batter in large fluffy bowl.
9. 9
   Add 1 teaspoon thugar and beat again.
10. 10
    Meanwhile, make sure that the rum is of the finest quality.
11. 11
    Try another cup.
12. 12
    Open second quart, if necessary.
13. 13
    Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat until high.
14. 14
    If druit gets stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with crewscriver.
15. 15
    Sample rum again, checking for tonscisticity.
16. 16
    Next sift 3 cups of pepper or salt (it really doesn't matter).
17. 17
    Sample rum again.
18. 18
    Sift 1/2 pint lemon joice.
19. 19
    Fold in chopped butter and your strained nuts.
20. 20
    Add 1 bablespoon of brown thugar or whatever color you find.
21. 21
    Wix well.
22. 22
    Grease over and turn cake pan to 350°. Now, pour the whole mess into the coven...and brake.
23. 23
    Check the rum again and go to bed.