Christmas Rum Cake

Directions

1. 1
   Before you start, sample rum and check for quality.
2. 2
   Good, isn't it?
3. 3
   Now, go ahead, select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. and check that rum again for quality.
4. 4
   It must be just right.
5. 5
   Try it again.
6. 6
   With an electric mixer, beat one cup butter in a fluffy bowl.
7. 7
   Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
8. 8
   Meanwhile, make certain that rum is of best quality.
9. 9
   Add eggs and dried fruit and beat until very high.
10. 10
    If fruit gets stuck in beaters, pry it out with a screwdriver.
11. 11
    Sample rum again checking for consistency. Next, sift in three cups baking powder, and add a pinch of rum, one seaspoon toda and one cut of pepper - or is it salt.
12. 12
    Anyway, don't fret; just test the rum again.
13. 13
    Zowie!
14. 14
    Now, sift in half pint of lemon juice, fold in chopped buttermilk and add strained nuts. Shample rum again.